kayla

12:14 pm

Day #8.

Still nothing.

04:40 am

20 year ol.d virgin? Not anymooooore!! :O I'm still shocked!! Lol and you'd never guess who either holy shit.

04:13 am

Nothing charms a girl as much as, "wanna fuck?".

Seriously, where's the romanticism? I'm getting real sick of douchebags! Haha...luckily, I know that there are still good guys out there. In fact, he and I hung out today haha. But I won't go into detail bc I don't want to jinx it.. I'll just say he's a great guy who got srsly played and we both enjoy each others' company. Even though I really don't know what to say at times but sometimes silence is good.. fjdkdjsdhj

Anywho. Oh yeah, my heart is beating prematurely and I'm having palpitations~ Apparently its normal but yeahno, I want this issue fixed. Monday, I'm getting a 24 hour holter monitor that will record my heartbeat for ya 24 hrs. Superrrr~

O HAY DRAYSON N MICHAEL N SARAH N ALL MY HOMEDOGS???

01:49 am - what are we drinking when we're done? just glasses of water.

Okay so I saw COLDPLAY tonight for the first time evz and yeah, totally BLEW ME AWAY. Patty and I were in the lawn but the big screen was AMAZING, like nothing I've ever seen before. It was like we were watching the dvd version of the show.
I didn't get very good pictures since I was sooo far away and my phone cam suxorz BUT. BUTBUTBUT they came OFF THE STAGE and up to the fucking LAWN. I was like bai patty~ and RAN towards them. I was ten freakin feet away from them as they played Green Eyes, some "boys don't let me go" new song idek and LOL BILLIE JEAN BY MJ ya ya ya.
To say the least, it was the best show I've ever been to and I'm so happy!! :)
Oh, then c martin is like SO YA WE HAVE THIS CD, ITS TOTALLY EXPENSIVE, PICK IT UP ON THE WAY OUT, RETAIL PRICE AFTER TAX IS ONLY ZERO DOLLARS AND ZERO CENTS. So yeah, I have this awesome live cd with only 9 songs but waiting in the parking lot for an HOUR still felt like we were still there. I fucking loved it all.

OH HAY GUYS WASSUP WITCHYALL.

04:50 am - anyone know where to watch the official NEW MOON trailer?? :D plezz i begguvyew

holy shit son !

O LAWD the world is falling apart now that the oldest j*bro~~*! is about to go s0Lo. i'm sorry, i don't get them lol
um so yahh i've been drinking some MOONSHINE, which is like 100% proof so umyea. and carrie randomly woke up at 3:30 and we smoked like hellas and now i'm so tired and there's a bug flying around in here.

you know what's funny? ... it really feels like ricky and i are back to *just friends*, even though it is driving him NUTS that i'm over him ahhaha. he tries to flirt and i just be dumb, aka i be myself lolzah and it's just hilarious to me haha.

anyway. I'M GONNA GO PASS OUT shit. and holy moly that woman's face transplant :'( i still can't grasp how just ONE BULLET caused THAT much damage, it's insane!

12:01 pm

Obama celebrated his first 100 days here in my town today. :) Sadly, I didn't go down to see him but I didn't have tickets for the meeting anyway, I would've only seen his limo or something lolol. Still, this is twice that I've been super close to our president ^__^

Anyway. Swine flu is in Illinois and I'm scared. Patty's uncle & his wife are in Mexico right now and I won't go around them when they get back until they've been checked by a doctor..

My mom has a 26 year old boyfriend. Ya, she's 36. Patty's bf is 25. Mandi's IS 26. It's awkward for me. Especially since they had their first date at my house then fucked in the next room. So I haven't been here when he spends the night. It's sick. They're always together. My mom doesn't care about anything but him. She bitched at me one night bc I came home early and ruined their chance for sex. I fucking hate it..

03:51 am - I wonder if they'll ever catch Osama...

Ugh I have been eating like a PIG lately. I gained back like nearly 10 pounds....but then, WII FIT SAVED MAH LYFE.
In 6 days, I have lost over 8 pounds and (this is embarrassing) I am BELOW 170 pounds. Which has not happened since....?? Middle school?? Ya.
I WILL be in a 2 piece this summer. Looking all sexy and shit. Oh yeah, my derma gave me some samples of benzaclin or something and my face is like sunshine, I can't believe how fast it cleared up. DAYS.

Of course, with the good comes the bad.. Ricky was textin me the other night, saying shit like I want him blahblahblah. I really don't. I'm not attracted to him anymore. We're better off friends. But according to him, "friends can't be good friends with sexual tension between them." I said, friends can't be good friends if they do have sex...and there's no sexual tension here, hah. He doesn't believe that I'm over him. Nobody does. But I know the truth. He just doesn't affect me anymore.

Anyway. Just felt like updating since my fpage hasn't moved in 4 days. I love you guys! :)

04:12 am

My mom lost her job. Nevermind why. She applied for unemployment and that means very very limited money. I'll have to pay the phone bill with the first money I get working with Carrie, which starts in a couple weeks. Not to mention that I'm $250 behind on school payments.

My birth control is controlling my life and I wish it didn't. I'm always miserable, screaming on the inside. Everything irritates me and my head is always pounding. My friends have noticed the change in the past couple months. Girls offer me midol all the time and everyone keeps asking if I'm okay. I'm just freaking out; slowly creeping towards the edge and I know I need to stop but I feel tortured. Everything sets me off and that just pisses my mom off so yeah, we fight sometimes now. Again.

I'm so hungry all of the time. Today I've had spaghetti, 2 donuts, 3 chicken wings, some fries, pasta salad, potato salad and a pear. And I'm hungry again. I just ate the pear an hour ago. I can't stand it. I won't let myself binge, I won't let it get that far again.

I'm doing an extra special powerpoint on The Beatles for class. To make it up to my former teacher for burning me every.single.Beatles.album. It's turning out very good and that makes me proud. Oh, and I started reading New Moon last night. Yeah, page 343 bitchez. It's wonderful. I cried for 20 minutes last night while reading. I think the author and I have quite a lot in common. I'd love to interrogate her someday.

10:08 am

Twilight is better than I could have ever imagined possible. I'm addicted. Obsessed. Consumed.

I'm going to Patty's today to watch the movie, then we're going to Bryane's to watch it with his mom again, which makes me smile. I finished the first book in just 3 days. It was just too exciting! Page after page, I was blown back with more twists and setbacks and romance. I feel like such a little girl but I am, too, falling in love with the character Edward. It's hard not to! The story is so beautiful and I can't wait to continue the adventure on Monday when Patty gets the 2nd book from work. I already previewed the 1st chapter and wow! I can't wait.

11:51 am

Today is my little brother's 18th birthday and I'm super excited because we're all going to tgifridays after I get off school tonight.

Ricky's friend john is a little bitch and that's the end of that.

I'm actually reading a book, except I'm doing it online (gutenberg.org). It's called Jane Eyre and I once saw a movie version on pbs that made me fall in love with the story. It's a beautiful romance filled with exciting adventures and self realization. I can't "put it down".

I cramped horribly yesterday and started my period today. I knew that'd happen. It's probably the worst one I've had in a very long while. I was pmsing like a bitch ever since I woke up. And then John really fucking pissed me off. He's just such a bitch and he's JEALOUS because he doesn't want Ricky to have me apparently. HE wants to be with me, and it's so stupid because I CAN'T STAND HIM.

I have an awful headache and I'm going to fucking scream.

02:59 am

Well I'll be working again soon. Like 3/4 weekends every month with Carrie until October. My mom wants me to get another job LOL I doubt it. Sorry but I won't work all freakin week and go to school full time AND not even have weekends off. We'll be going to flea markets, hurrah........ some are pretty far, near chicago. So yeah. It's gonna get fucking rough.
But we'll see.

02:16 pm

You are the whiniest most self absorbed little brat I know and I hope you grow up real fast because if you think your life is so bad right now, you'll be knocked down on your ass real soon because life isn't all fucking sprinkles unicorns and rainbows, life is TOUGH. SO SUCK IT FUCKING UP AND PUT ON A SMILE AND BE HAPPY WITH WHAT GOD HAS ALREADY PUT ON YOUR PLATE AND STOP ASKING FOR A FUCKING SILVER SPOON.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ps I love sarah and mah girls from flo town and my whole entire life.

11:42 am

You really make me want to scream my fucking head off.

I'm really sick of listening to everyone's bitching. I do not want to fucking hear about it. I don't care if you're home and bored, I am all of the time. I don't care if you're feeling shitty because you're hungover, that's your own fault bitch. I'm sick of people saying how HORRIBLE their lives are when they've got it so fucking good.

You know, a ton of people don't have shit. I don't even have a working computer. I don't have a camera. I don't have a nice digital tv. I don't even have a converter box for my piece of shit yet. I don't have reliable transportation. I wake up and think how the fuck will I make it to school today? I don't have a job and I certainly don't have money. But I've lived for this long without money, I'll be fucking fine. I don't need stupid t-shirts and concerts and bullshit to keep me happy. I don't need a fucking boyfriend. The only thing I have is my cell phone, my only connection to the world and I'm fucking fine with that because there's more to life than just stupid posessions shit and money. I'm so fucking sick of money. Money caused the problems in the world that we have today. But we all need it to survive. And I mean survive as in live, eat and sleep. Not fucking blow all this cash on something fucking stupid. Fuck.

I've tried telling fucking everybody this a million and one times. Don't whine and cry about material bullshit. Be glad that you've got a roof over your head and something to eat on the table because one day, it could ALL be gone. Then what the fuck will you have? Awesome ~band~ shirts and remnants of concert tickets? Wow, you are so lucky.

I can't wait until everyone grows up. I can't wait until I fucking graduate so I can have a JOB and work for my OWN life. And not beg my mom for money. Not that I even do anyway. At most, I ask for 5 bucks in a MONTH. Because I understand times are hard and she needs it for bills and not for me to have a fucking jolly good time. Really, people just piss me off. Life is so much fucking more than material bullSHIT.

01:23 pm

You know, I do complain a lot but I also see how good my life is and I still love it. Why can't people just do the same. Don't focus on fucking negative shit, see what GOOD you have in life and think about the good that you WANT. Crying about shit doesn't do a damn thing. I have fucking pimples bc of my new birth control but it's not the end of the world. You cover up your problems and move on. My pimples will be gone in time, just as all problems will be resolved.

I couldn't think of an easier way to say it than just blurting it all out. We all have to grow up sometime.

11:31 pm

Lightning/Thunderstorms in Feburary....how odd.
Ricky and I flirting with each other....even odder.
Seeing a couple guys I used to be really tight with a few years ago....today is insane.

Oh, I know cpr now! :)

11:10 pm

UGH. Why can I not get Ricky out of my head!!! He's such a doucheeee but whyyyyy do I think he's so fucking great?? Aaaggghhhh.


Ohhh yeah, went back to the club friday night and got hit on by the BIGGEST DICK IN THE PLACE. Srsly and literally. We flirted alllll night hahah, he's black but he's british/australian so he's got a cuuuute accent, plus he's a NURSE, that's cute LOL. I gave him my number to hang out and he called last night to tell me he misses me and can't wait to see me. Too bad I will NOT date a stripper.....definitely not one with a 14 INCH WEINER. That's A O K. I'd rather be a lame bitch, still trying to get Ricky to want me......ehhhhh, I think I'm gonna go text him even though I know I shouldn't..

Blahhhh SHOOT MEEEEEE.

11:36 am

Sooo last night, there was a cop in my city that got shot at by some guy in the park 5 minutes from my house. Dayum. I heard helicopters but didn't know that was what it was. They had to call the county swat team to look for him for like 12 hours. Turns out, he was in his house the whole time LOL. Jeez. Crazy people.


Going back to the strip club tomorrow with a BUNCH of my friends and their friends. It's gonna be raaaaad, especially when I get to see the fjhmsdf HOT GUYYYY AHHHHHH! And give him mah digitz~

05:27 pm

i'm lonely.

05:19 am

HAHAHA will someone please explain to me how I got ricky to send me a NOODY PIC~~~
And then explain why I sent one back :|||||||||||
LOL MY LIFE. Nekkid pictures don't hurt anything though. SEX does. And that won't be happening....even though fjfjjhsdffgj ugh I want it to?
I asked him if he wanted to have sex with me and he said, "Yeah but i'm afraid that you would get hurt if we do cuz that's all it would be is sex"..."and I don't want to hurt you". Which makes me like him even more damnit WHYYYYYYYYYY, that should NOT make me want him more.... that should totally turn it off and push me away and whatever. But god, I keep thinking about that L word but it scares me.

I just want him. :(

04:38 pm - "boys will love you"

SIGH! This guy from high school added me on facebook and he is the very definition of AMAZING. I can't get over him! He tells me how pretty I am and laksdjflja. I had tswift lyrics in my away "hey stephen, boy you might have me believin i don't always have to be alone" and he was like "hey andrew, boy you blkjaldksjlbhalbhalhbladf... i like that better" LDKSJFLAKJ i was like me too :) so now it is my away LOL. he's adorable. but lives like 200+ miles away for a job ugh. But oh well, if it's meant to happen, it will! He's just so sweet to me. lakdjlfkjadsgkaj
"so if i ever get sick you can take good care of me?"
"Of course :)"
"well then, i will take you as my hot doctor trophy wife!"
LOL. and he calls me babe and flkajlskdjvoiamwef JEEEEZZZZ i am so infatuated with this boy!!


oh, and JEN IS PREGNANT!!!!! We all found out yesterday, omg. She's due on September 1st, and her birthday is on the 3rd. That'd be awesome if she had it then, lol. I just can't believe it. That's 2 out of like 5 of my friends from school that have gotten pregnant now. Who's next? I think it'll be patty LOL. o jaysus. and NOT ME because the only thing coming out of my twat for a looooong time will be a bloody massacre LOL. nahsteh nahsteh.